Off to the Track

This may turn into a ranting post, so forgive me in advance, or join me! This was some heavy crack smoking by the judges, but mostly by the producers.

Where to begin?

Exhibit A:

"DEE-SIGNAAAAAHS! It's the all terrible team challenge time! I will make you bicker, complain, backstab and hate your team mates. I will force you to 'throw one of them under the bus'. I will pick a great way to choose the team captains! Not by pitching an idea to me and choosing the best ideas, no not even by chance from Tim's velvet sack of wonder. No no let's have you run around a track! That way the most physically fit designer will be in charge! Watch out Bert, don't have a heart attack now!"

Seriously? I just can't. How does this make any sense and how is it fair? How is it even entertaining?














"I fell down like a bitch" Ok Olivier, you got me there, that turned an embarrassing situation into a cute and funny one. Well played!
(Do you think he knew the guy who would help him was going to be a hottie?)



Exhibit B:

Cecilia. Ok, maybe that wasn't the producers, and then again was it? Maybe Cecilia wanted to go home on Episode 4 and they didn't want her to save Julie, because they knew Julie was not as exciting of a character, making Cecilia even more bummed and thus giving us more drama with Exhibit C.




P.S. Ok yes, I'm sure there is a lot of pressure on this show, but jesus couldn't you just get kicked off with dignity, knowing that other designers missed out on this opportunity that you don't want to fight that hard for? Seems a little selfish.


Exhibit C:
Josh C. is back! Well, good for you.

Forget that Julie was the last designer kicked off and Cecilia has just left and really should have said something LAST WEEK on the runway to save her. The natural replacement to Cecilia leaving would be Julie.

Forget that Josh C. was Auf'd in Episode 2, so he didn't have to design for 2(!) challenges(!)

Forget that in the past when they've brought back past designers, they made them W-I-N the current challenge just to stay on, or they were auf'd yet again.

Yes, forget all that fair stuff, let's let Viktor--who came in 4th place (or last of the captains)--choose who to bring back to the show and possibly win Project Runway.

Oh but welcome back Josh C., great to have you back.



Exhibit D:

As in Das Klum is crazy.

"Deeeesignahs!? I am going to have you design for New Balance, because why not? I'm busy having lots of kids and humiliating up and coming designahs. Oh and yes you can design whatever you want* to go with these suede or denim sneakers!"


*sure make a dress, but then later I'm going to ask how the model would work out in those clothes.

"You have 8 hours to do this, no wait 13 hours to design. Whatever makes you more sleep deprived for the runway!!!!"



(Nice sneakers Tim)


Exhibit E:

Group challenges. They exist as pure torture. Add to the already unfair way to select the team captains, the further humiliation of choosing the teams like it's a sport, bringing back someone random selected by one of the captains, add vague and conflicting design parameters and then throw in: Cranky Old Guy, Pissy Queens, Dowdy Doodie, Can't Sew Beauty Queen, a couple of cliques and presto, you have a Reality Show full of Drama instead of a beloved design show you used to get a kick out of because you actually cared for some of the characters and wanted them to succeed. That's what has been missing so far this season. Someone to root for. Sure they have the sad stories, well there's always going to be some of those. Where's our Sweet Pea? Where's our Mondo and whatever happened to Andrae???


Exhibit F:
As in WTF

















Josh M. is one savvy son of a bitch. He chose Anya for her fashion sense and the fact the judges LUV HUH and then chooses Becky who everyone knows can sew like a mutha. Josh assumes he will win with those elements and his superb design skills. However, he bullies Becky in the process and totally uses her. Anya, from what I gather, designed this and I'm sure Becky sewed it, but somehow Josh wins??? His look was actually a better one out of their group and I don't think Becky should be completely blamed for her design being sub par.

And why the hey did we need a second winner? There may have been some times in the past when that would have been prudent, maybe even welcomed. This was not that time. The producers are hitting the good stuff that's for sure. Besides the fact that he bullied and manipulated the team and the judges, the three looks he had were not the most cohesive. WTF


Exhibit G:

Step away from this fabric!

Danielle dear, how many times have you used this same fabric? And why did your team leader let you buy it? For a pop of color on 'One' of the looks? It doesn't make sense. On top of that, you were already called out on a very similar color and shaped top, so you decided to try again? Oh honey....












3 Strikes and you are Out



















If it's any consolation to you, even after all that, yours was not even the worst of the day:


This, this is just sad all around. Not even replacing those sad sneakers with sassy heels and washing that poor girl's hair would save this look. It is so strangely baggy and bunched up. Congratulations to Anthony Ryan, who made a look tight and baggy all at the same time.











And this is where we come to the part of the show that has gone back and forth since it started.


Is it really so simple as "One day you are Eeen (In) and one day you are Owwut (Out)"? It has seemed in some cases, they knew a designer that had either done great looks in the past or seems to have great potential and they will save them even if their look deserved the Auf.

This episode Nina and Michael basically said it out loud for us all to finally hear! To which Heidi clinged to her tagline desperately and tried to bring it back to getting rid of the designer that had the worst design of that challenge. Listen, I'm not saying I disagree with either side. It would just be helpful if they picked one way or the other instead of going back and forth. I guess thems the breaks when you are on TV.

Danielle was really a borderline good designer and she certainly wasn't going to provide enough drama with the show, along with Cecilia and Julie, they were never given a fair chance to begin with. She was going to get kicked off soon anyway. Does that justify the horrendous look Anthony Ryan did just because we know he has more overall talent and will most likely make it to the end?

One of the most uncomfortable episodes I have ever seen from this show. Heidi I am ashamed of you.

What do you think? Would you have kicked off Danielle or Anthony?

Don't. Bore. Nina.

Just to keep the designers quaking in their boots, they had to design for....

Nina Garcia. Who showed up wearing something kind of un-Nina like just to confuse them...

However, I did like how she met with them in the beginning to see their idea and then again in the work room to let them know what she was not liking about the design. As harsh as it is, at least they had some clear criticisms of what they were getting into. That and the fact that, for the most part, Nina has dressed very similarly over the years. She likes black, clean structured lines and she knows how to accessorize; she is a fashion director after all.

Obviously designing for Ms. Nina was intimidating, and it didn't help that Joanna Coles-Editor in Chief of Marie Clare- was there for extra fear.

"All of your designs will make Nina look like she's drunk and crazy"


The judges may have let off the hard stuff a bit this episode, because out of all the boring designs that came down the runway, this was the most polished Nina-like while still being true to the designer, Kimberly. It also looked like a well put together look.


As for the bottom 2 designs, well is one any worse than the other? The difference being they were not impressed with Julie from Day 1 and sending this down the runway was no help to her. Next episode we can discuss how the judges choose: Solely on the challenge or past designs into consideration. I've always felt they did take into account the designer's skill, past work and potential they see. The next episode may have proven some of that, but I digress. Adios Julie, you weren't going to be here much longer anyway.


Can you see Nina wearing this look any more than the Auf'd look? And if she felt so bad about being there, why didn't she say something then? Sigh. We'll get to you next episode Missy!

Go Big or Go Home

This week's episode had so many "Judges are smoking crack because..." moments I'm not sure where to begin!

I know, I'll start with the guest judge:

Seriously? You can't even close your legs for a show on Lifetime? I mean, I know she's a thing in our culture and she gets to wear more designer fashion than the average gal, but does she know anything about it? *sigh* I may also be crazy, because I do think she's a stunning girl, and it's nice to see curvy gals in the spotlight. That being said, I just hate when they have guest judges like this just to have the name.

I know I said I would only do a mini-blog, but this episode was full of the cray-cray and I just can't ignore it!

I watched the episode a couple of times. Watching the stilt watchers was pretty awkward on

TV and was very distracting to the looks. After seeing the still images, the drama and wow factor is more apparent. Did they use models they trained to use stilts or stilt walkers? Because most of them seemed a little unstable.

Another thought was how hard it must have been to make these looks with all the fabric they had to work with. It may explain why some of the fabrics just looked so cheap. Maybe they had to go cheaper to get the volume they needed.

The winner was Barbie and AnthonyRyan. Many of you called it, this dress has been done many a time and a few people remembered J-Lo's dress at the MET gala

(do you think her petals were glued on? didn't think so)

On to the Amazons....

Sweeties, did you see Miss Thang working this look on the runway? I think that sold the judges for the win. That and all the crack they smoke backstage. I mean yes, the look is lovely but it's obviously not original. I just loved Heidi complimenting the petals and the response was that they "just glued them all on". They must be a little embarrassed now that they see all the comparisons to a few other dresses. Ugh, I don't even care, I just don't want to see Barbie do well.

As for the auf....

Bryce and Fallene. It looked like it could be a good pairing, really I'm just so entranced with the characters on the show (damn you Lifetime) that I am not being so fair with the design of things. Hey, I can admit it--now can the judges?

As soon as I saw this look come out I knew they were doomed. It was just way too simple. I suppose Bryce assumed his partner could handle the vest, and it turned out to hurt both of them.

I felt like Fallene could have gone far. I just didn't realize she was a freakin' CRYBABY! Well, then there's all that stuff about not knowing much about sewing. What an uncomfortable episode all around, but with how many times they showed Fallene cry, I just wanted to give her a hug and tell her she has to go to the workroom to pack her things Right Now.

The second place look should have been the winner! How adorable is this?

Becky and Kimberly were an odd pairing but this is ferosh-if I can borrow a word please-and the fact they incorporated the model's tattoo into the design. <3 Too bad tattoos don't make you walk better because this was one of the more awkwardly sold looks of the day.

Seeing this look in the Top 3 made me proclaim "The judges are smoking illegal substances yet again!" It's so weird, but seeing this in a still I can see how dramatic it looks. Call me crazy but the teams that did pants were my favorites. I feel like the dresses fell short and just didn't have that striking of an appearance.

It still does look matronly however you slice it though. With some different hair and styling it could have been better. And yes, without the stilts I would tear this look apart. Another reason this challenge was just weird all around.

Poor Josh and Julie. They seemed like they would be a strange pair, but they ended up complimenting each other nicely.

Yes, when this look walked out I was horrified. No waist, weirdo jacket/cape and yes the amazingness that is those pants. Seeing the still image I understand why J & J went there. There was not much direction for the designers to go in, you add stilts to the equation and it would be a natural progression to go the circus route.

Now 'fess up Heidi, were you the one that said Beetlejuice 3 times?

Shame on you Bert and Viktor. You both acted like silly queens and why you purchased either of these fabrics is beyond me. You know, if they had worked better together and had picked a better fabric, they would have been a contender.

Another fabric choice that hurts my eyes.
Olivier had immunity and the judges are crushing hard for Anya. 'nuff said.

Side note: I'm listening to Margaret Cho's standup and she is talking about Project Runway, it's precious! Either I'm the white Margaret Cho, or she's the Asian Q.

My Pet Project

This week on "The judges are smoking crack because..."

Oh, the unconventional materials challenge. It gets designers every season. I sometimes wonder if the contestants on the show have watched the previous seasons?!? You know at some point you are going to need to sew for: body type other than a model be it a larger person, older person, younger person, animal, a man, etc. Learn versatile styles! You are also at some point going to make an outfit out of something other than regular fabric: garbage, plants, car parts, apartment furnishing, food, etc. You need to know how to design with something NOT ordinary look fabric-like.

Plan accordingly!

Darlings, I'm going to start with the winner as I did for last week's challenge. I don't have to go far for the crack smoking to commence because:

This is what they chose as the winner. Olivier (pronounced Oliver not Oh-liv-ee-yay) made this garment and glued(!) hamster bedding to the model's eyebrows! Neeena Garrrcia argued with Heidi for this to be the winner and she obviously won the battle. I was shocked that they did not make comments that this outfit made the "poor model" look chunky. (They have used this criticism in the past on a very similar outfit. Yes the top looked tailored, but it was made from a fabric material! So they will criticize one designer for using conventional materials but not another for some reason. So, Olivier is a crack smoker and so are the judges that disagreed with Heidi.


Here is the design Heidi wanted to win, and compared to the pee pads that walked down the runway, I felt was the winner:

That is all birdseed! Made by Anthony Ryan this looks very chic. I adore the collar!



Just to keep with last week's post. Here is the losing auf'd look by Joshua
Normally I think this boring look would have been safe. Unfortunately, Joshua has been on the judge's radar from Day 1, so he needed something better than "Safe". He probably could have glued some random item on the top or bottom, such as dog food, aquarium sand or whatever and the judges would have been distracted enough to not notice it was on the boring side.


Presented without comment is Pocahontas:

Come As You Are

Another season, another group of designers and all their drama!

Seeing the designers meet the judges was very fun and gave us a chance to try and figure out who all the personalities are. I couldn't believe they cut 4 contestants so quickly, but I am glad to trim it down; 16 is still a lot of people to keep track of.

This season, I don't have as much time to devote to the blog as I would like. Instead of my recaps, I'm going to play a weekly game called "The judges are smoking crack because...." It seems like the judges have been doing this show for so many seasons, they are over all the same-ole same-ole that in past seasons they have enjoyed. Also frau Heidi has expressed in interviews that she won't be as Ms. Nice Model-Producer-Judge so the designers should be scared!

Let's start with the winner and loser and see if there is any crack smoking to be had:

Zeee winner Bert produced this with his jammies and a bed sheet:

Nothing wrong with this win! Apart from the scary 80's styling, the dress looks young and fresh and the color mixing is adorable! For some reason so many of the designers did pants or shorts and they really seemed to do terribly. Bert went with what he knew and it worked! There was a little bit of "yuck!" factor with using his boxers as part of the top of the dress, but I just imagined Project Runway interns whisked away the pajama items to be cleaned while they did side interviews or dyed sheets. Yeah, I'm sure they did! Congrats Bert, your story is amazing and you had the coolest look of the week. Take that younguns'!

Let's take a look at the look that was Auf'd, Raphael:

Yikes. Nothing wrong with this decision either! No woman should wear these leggings, let alone wear them with a shirt that doesn't cover her. What's frustrating is Raphael was wearing a gorgeous scarf! Instead of using the best fabric in the room, he was worried about showing his hair! Cut off part of the sheet to cover your hair and use the scarf! Obviously he does not remember Season 2 and that scarf debacle...

So where did the judges lose their mind to the crack pipe?

Anya's look in the Top 3!

"Q!" you say "This look was adorable, she made pants and she has never made pants before! Look at that cute top!".

Darlings, I am not buying this girl's schtick that she barely learned to sew. First of all, why would you go on a show about sewing clothes without knowing much about sewing? Second of all, she was lucky with what she was wearing for her pajamas to have such gorgeous fabric. Think of the poor girl that was wearing kid's style pink jammies! Third, since when was it ok to show your mid-drift? ummm the 90's last time I checked!!
I feel like the judges are already making such a huge deal of the fact that she "barely learned how to sew" and are also impressed by her personal beauty and style. She could be major contender in the competition, but I'm definitely wary of her....

What do you think? Was the Pubic Patch skirt in the Top 3 a bigger crack smoking moment?