What Women Want

Lifetime named this "What Women Want", when it should have been called "Duh Moments in Life: Men Love Boobs"

In this episode, the designers are tricked into thinking they are going to be doing menswear, when TWIST, they are going to design for the man's lady- based on their ideas of what their lady likes. Luckily, they get the women's measurements from some other source besides the menfolk, because according to them, they all have huge racks.

The women are added to the mix later, which only makes it harder for the designers, especially Olivier, who probably has nightmares from the movie title "Real Women Have Curves". The challenge with working with a client is walking the fine line between Designer and Dress Maker. As Michael will surely point out numerous times, it's not "Project Dressmaker". Some people are naturally better working with clients, and I have no doubt there are some famous designers that are no better at working with people than some of our PR contestants. (Thankfully Oliviers' clients gave him a good pep talk to get him through)

After a lot of talk about boobs, boobs, boobs (this time not from Heidi...yet), we make it to the runway for this week's crack smoking by the judges.

Granted, when the looks come out on the runway each week, it's getting harder and harder to decipher who is going to be in the Top and who is going to be on the Bottom. We have to just rely on who the judges feel like picking on that week, and who they can praise for doing possibly nothing more than someone else to win. As in the case this episode. I'm not sure it would do much good to show all 9 designs, as they all look like a basic dress or basic top with basic skirt.

Here is the Winning design and ShouldHaveWonDesign:

Winning look by Josh:

Granted, this is a very chic dress, with some subtle detailing that looks good. It helps that the woman wearing it looks about model proportions and the bright shoes to compliment were a smart idea.

I'm not saying it's bad by any means, it's quite cute. I'm just thinking it really is a LBD on a thin blond with cute shoes from the PiperLime.com wall. Where's the innovation the judges used to expect, even demand?

Viktor's look which was a close Second

Here's

where I feel a little crack was involved. Here Viktor worked really well with his clients, put together an overall cute look for her, and made something that was just a little bit different, and you could tell fit with her personality. I loved the clutch he put with it, and how much she owned the look. Yeah, I'm not crazy about the necklace with it, but they do have to use the accessory wall, do they not? Viktor is always the bridesmaid....

Anya's look

I don't know why, but I just don't like this. Kudos to the bold statement and doing something different. She is also very smart to not do something too intricate and tailored to offset her non-sewing skills. The print is memorable and again, she can MacGuyver around the fact that there was probably not much sewing involved in this look. I hate the one sleeve on this. I don't feel like this was praiseworthy, just safe.

Bryce, sorry you're Out.

Well, it seems the emotional designers are dropping like flies. Bryce was just trying to skate by the first few weeks just to be safe, not a winner and definitely not wanting to be a loser. Unfortunately he didn't give the judges a good view on who he is as a designer.

For this challenge, he made a dress that his client wanted, and worked with a color outside of his comfort zone. The judges thought it had too many design elements. That's the crack smoking, because then how is Anya's dress not too many elements? If it's too plain, how about the safe looks and even the winning look?

I'm not going to argue for him to stay. It's a perfectly boring look that, unfortunately, he's done too many times.

Dahlings...what is one of Tim's best advice lines?

Don't. Bore. Nina.

Sigh. I'm barely watching this season, it doesn't seem to have that thing- that je ne sais quoi it's had in the past. Who to root for? It's also really anyone's game to win or lose this season, which is one of things that is so frustrating.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Short answer: No.

Here's all you need to know about this episode, so you don't have to watch it....

Betsey Johnson shows up to talk about their challenge which involves a team challenge (uh oh) making a 5 look fashion show with their own background movie. They are also going to making their own prints to use in at least 3 of the looks.

Josh is still a jerk. And dresses like a figure skater.

Team "Nuts and Bolts", self named, are so dysfunctional Tim has a mini therapy session with them. They stood in a circle and held hands. More uh oh....

This boring look by Anya "the model" and" judges' favorite" won the challenge.

Viktor, who has been quite consistent and made this sharp look, did not win. Perhaps his model is holding him back from wins. Yikes, why is she so sour? Would it kill ya to stand up straight in a gown?

Poor Becky goes home. She seemed to really get torn down week after week either by the judges or Joshua. Unfortunately I feel like she's better than this and just couldn't perform under these circumstances. She also got used on more than one occasion for her sewing skills.

Spare yourself all the drama of a team challenge and skip to the next week: boob obsessed men "helping" the designers make a look for their partner.

The Art of the Matter

I don't even know anymore.

Is there any glimmer of talent on here? Am I missing it or are the challenges just so lame that they aren't able to shine?

I don't know if I liked any of the designs from the challenge. I guess I'm comparing it to Season 4, when they did an avant garde challenge, there was some amazing things that came down that runway. sigh. The judges aren't helping. I never know if someone is going to be in the top or bottom until Heidi announces it.

For some reason they absolutely gushed over Mr. Meanie himself Josh's look:

I'm sorry, judges, you like orange and brown together or you hate it? Because if you thought Fallene's look was too Fall pumpkin for you, what's your reasoning on this? I hate this look from the netting on her head and hideous lipstick down to her brown boots that go with her tree trunk skirt. Just no.

And don't get me started on him playing the mom card after being a total douchebag the week before.

Anthony Ryan won the challenge, but not because the guest judge, Kenneth Kole

thought he was the best:

I can see how the judges would like this look, it flowed and looked pretty great when it first walked out onto the runway. I love her hair and overall look together. However, when this dress just stood there on the runway it looked just as bad a craft project as most of them did. The judges seemed to like the looks that had the absolute most literal interpretation of their painting.

Oh honey. This is a cry for help. Is there some reason he heard avant garde look and made a mental patient look? Why can I see her g-string? Why does she have that hair? Why does he do the weird foldy beige looks?

I can't get past his changing accent and sullen looks he puts down the runway. This could have been an out; Olivier had the happiest painting and ended up making the saddest look of all.

Say what you will about Bert's look: shapes gone crazy, pregnancy chic, some nightmare I had in the 80's come to life. However, this is a look

you can't stop looking at and was memorable right? Wrong era for avant garde in 2011, but he did know at least what he was doing, and that was playing with silhouette and perceived fashion. Yes he fell short, but he was on the right track.

Other people I thought that were almost there and just needed a little more something something or some better

styling:

Victor

Anya

Laura

Eh....failed Gaga wannabe? Etsy fashion? I didn't think of Becky as boring, but this is boring.

Oh Josh C.....

Everyone thought you had the most amazing painting and artistically yes, it was. However you were damned if you did and damned if you didn't. Had you made this more wolf-like, it would have been called costumey. Since you didn't they were bored and called it a waitress dominatrix look. It was Josh's first and last time at Mood. Was he brought back to be a martyr so that precious Olivier could stay? Sorry Josh, we hardly knew ya....twice. Too bad you didn't go out as a full on wolf. Awwwwwooooo to you Josh.

Off to the Track

This may turn into a ranting post, so forgive me in advance, or join me! This was some heavy crack smoking by the judges, but mostly by the producers.

Where to begin?

Exhibit A:

"DEE-SIGNAAAAAHS! It's the all terrible team challenge time! I will make you bicker, complain, backstab and hate your team mates. I will force you to 'throw one of them under the bus'. I will pick a great way to choose the team captains! Not by pitching an idea to me and choosing the best ideas, no not even by chance from Tim's velvet sack of wonder. No no let's have you run around a track! That way the most physically fit designer will be in charge! Watch out Bert, don't have a heart attack now!"

Seriously? I just can't. How does this make any sense and how is it fair? How is it even entertaining?














"I fell down like a bitch" Ok Olivier, you got me there, that turned an embarrassing situation into a cute and funny one. Well played!
(Do you think he knew the guy who would help him was going to be a hottie?)



Exhibit B:

Cecilia. Ok, maybe that wasn't the producers, and then again was it? Maybe Cecilia wanted to go home on Episode 4 and they didn't want her to save Julie, because they knew Julie was not as exciting of a character, making Cecilia even more bummed and thus giving us more drama with Exhibit C.




P.S. Ok yes, I'm sure there is a lot of pressure on this show, but jesus couldn't you just get kicked off with dignity, knowing that other designers missed out on this opportunity that you don't want to fight that hard for? Seems a little selfish.


Exhibit C:
Josh C. is back! Well, good for you.

Forget that Julie was the last designer kicked off and Cecilia has just left and really should have said something LAST WEEK on the runway to save her. The natural replacement to Cecilia leaving would be Julie.

Forget that Josh C. was Auf'd in Episode 2, so he didn't have to design for 2(!) challenges(!)

Forget that in the past when they've brought back past designers, they made them W-I-N the current challenge just to stay on, or they were auf'd yet again.

Yes, forget all that fair stuff, let's let Viktor--who came in 4th place (or last of the captains)--choose who to bring back to the show and possibly win Project Runway.

Oh but welcome back Josh C., great to have you back.



Exhibit D:

As in Das Klum is crazy.

"Deeeesignahs!? I am going to have you design for New Balance, because why not? I'm busy having lots of kids and humiliating up and coming designahs. Oh and yes you can design whatever you want* to go with these suede or denim sneakers!"


*sure make a dress, but then later I'm going to ask how the model would work out in those clothes.

"You have 8 hours to do this, no wait 13 hours to design. Whatever makes you more sleep deprived for the runway!!!!"



(Nice sneakers Tim)


Exhibit E:

Group challenges. They exist as pure torture. Add to the already unfair way to select the team captains, the further humiliation of choosing the teams like it's a sport, bringing back someone random selected by one of the captains, add vague and conflicting design parameters and then throw in: Cranky Old Guy, Pissy Queens, Dowdy Doodie, Can't Sew Beauty Queen, a couple of cliques and presto, you have a Reality Show full of Drama instead of a beloved design show you used to get a kick out of because you actually cared for some of the characters and wanted them to succeed. That's what has been missing so far this season. Someone to root for. Sure they have the sad stories, well there's always going to be some of those. Where's our Sweet Pea? Where's our Mondo and whatever happened to Andrae???


Exhibit F:
As in WTF

















Josh M. is one savvy son of a bitch. He chose Anya for her fashion sense and the fact the judges LUV HUH and then chooses Becky who everyone knows can sew like a mutha. Josh assumes he will win with those elements and his superb design skills. However, he bullies Becky in the process and totally uses her. Anya, from what I gather, designed this and I'm sure Becky sewed it, but somehow Josh wins??? His look was actually a better one out of their group and I don't think Becky should be completely blamed for her design being sub par.

And why the hey did we need a second winner? There may have been some times in the past when that would have been prudent, maybe even welcomed. This was not that time. The producers are hitting the good stuff that's for sure. Besides the fact that he bullied and manipulated the team and the judges, the three looks he had were not the most cohesive. WTF


Exhibit G:

Step away from this fabric!

Danielle dear, how many times have you used this same fabric? And why did your team leader let you buy it? For a pop of color on 'One' of the looks? It doesn't make sense. On top of that, you were already called out on a very similar color and shaped top, so you decided to try again? Oh honey....












3 Strikes and you are Out



















If it's any consolation to you, even after all that, yours was not even the worst of the day:


This, this is just sad all around. Not even replacing those sad sneakers with sassy heels and washing that poor girl's hair would save this look. It is so strangely baggy and bunched up. Congratulations to Anthony Ryan, who made a look tight and baggy all at the same time.











And this is where we come to the part of the show that has gone back and forth since it started.


Is it really so simple as "One day you are Eeen (In) and one day you are Owwut (Out)"? It has seemed in some cases, they knew a designer that had either done great looks in the past or seems to have great potential and they will save them even if their look deserved the Auf.

This episode Nina and Michael basically said it out loud for us all to finally hear! To which Heidi clinged to her tagline desperately and tried to bring it back to getting rid of the designer that had the worst design of that challenge. Listen, I'm not saying I disagree with either side. It would just be helpful if they picked one way or the other instead of going back and forth. I guess thems the breaks when you are on TV.

Danielle was really a borderline good designer and she certainly wasn't going to provide enough drama with the show, along with Cecilia and Julie, they were never given a fair chance to begin with. She was going to get kicked off soon anyway. Does that justify the horrendous look Anthony Ryan did just because we know he has more overall talent and will most likely make it to the end?

One of the most uncomfortable episodes I have ever seen from this show. Heidi I am ashamed of you.

What do you think? Would you have kicked off Danielle or Anthony?

Don't. Bore. Nina.

Just to keep the designers quaking in their boots, they had to design for....

Nina Garcia. Who showed up wearing something kind of un-Nina like just to confuse them...

However, I did like how she met with them in the beginning to see their idea and then again in the work room to let them know what she was not liking about the design. As harsh as it is, at least they had some clear criticisms of what they were getting into. That and the fact that, for the most part, Nina has dressed very similarly over the years. She likes black, clean structured lines and she knows how to accessorize; she is a fashion director after all.

Obviously designing for Ms. Nina was intimidating, and it didn't help that Joanna Coles-Editor in Chief of Marie Clare- was there for extra fear.

"All of your designs will make Nina look like she's drunk and crazy"


The judges may have let off the hard stuff a bit this episode, because out of all the boring designs that came down the runway, this was the most polished Nina-like while still being true to the designer, Kimberly. It also looked like a well put together look.


As for the bottom 2 designs, well is one any worse than the other? The difference being they were not impressed with Julie from Day 1 and sending this down the runway was no help to her. Next episode we can discuss how the judges choose: Solely on the challenge or past designs into consideration. I've always felt they did take into account the designer's skill, past work and potential they see. The next episode may have proven some of that, but I digress. Adios Julie, you weren't going to be here much longer anyway.


Can you see Nina wearing this look any more than the Auf'd look? And if she felt so bad about being there, why didn't she say something then? Sigh. We'll get to you next episode Missy!

Go Big or Go Home

This week's episode had so many "Judges are smoking crack because..." moments I'm not sure where to begin!

I know, I'll start with the guest judge:

Seriously? You can't even close your legs for a show on Lifetime? I mean, I know she's a thing in our culture and she gets to wear more designer fashion than the average gal, but does she know anything about it? *sigh* I may also be crazy, because I do think she's a stunning girl, and it's nice to see curvy gals in the spotlight. That being said, I just hate when they have guest judges like this just to have the name.

I know I said I would only do a mini-blog, but this episode was full of the cray-cray and I just can't ignore it!

I watched the episode a couple of times. Watching the stilt watchers was pretty awkward on

TV and was very distracting to the looks. After seeing the still images, the drama and wow factor is more apparent. Did they use models they trained to use stilts or stilt walkers? Because most of them seemed a little unstable.

Another thought was how hard it must have been to make these looks with all the fabric they had to work with. It may explain why some of the fabrics just looked so cheap. Maybe they had to go cheaper to get the volume they needed.

The winner was Barbie and AnthonyRyan. Many of you called it, this dress has been done many a time and a few people remembered J-Lo's dress at the MET gala

(do you think her petals were glued on? didn't think so)

On to the Amazons....

Sweeties, did you see Miss Thang working this look on the runway? I think that sold the judges for the win. That and all the crack they smoke backstage. I mean yes, the look is lovely but it's obviously not original. I just loved Heidi complimenting the petals and the response was that they "just glued them all on". They must be a little embarrassed now that they see all the comparisons to a few other dresses. Ugh, I don't even care, I just don't want to see Barbie do well.

As for the auf....

Bryce and Fallene. It looked like it could be a good pairing, really I'm just so entranced with the characters on the show (damn you Lifetime) that I am not being so fair with the design of things. Hey, I can admit it--now can the judges?

As soon as I saw this look come out I knew they were doomed. It was just way too simple. I suppose Bryce assumed his partner could handle the vest, and it turned out to hurt both of them.

I felt like Fallene could have gone far. I just didn't realize she was a freakin' CRYBABY! Well, then there's all that stuff about not knowing much about sewing. What an uncomfortable episode all around, but with how many times they showed Fallene cry, I just wanted to give her a hug and tell her she has to go to the workroom to pack her things Right Now.

The second place look should have been the winner! How adorable is this?

Becky and Kimberly were an odd pairing but this is ferosh-if I can borrow a word please-and the fact they incorporated the model's tattoo into the design. <3 Too bad tattoos don't make you walk better because this was one of the more awkwardly sold looks of the day.

Seeing this look in the Top 3 made me proclaim "The judges are smoking illegal substances yet again!" It's so weird, but seeing this in a still I can see how dramatic it looks. Call me crazy but the teams that did pants were my favorites. I feel like the dresses fell short and just didn't have that striking of an appearance.

It still does look matronly however you slice it though. With some different hair and styling it could have been better. And yes, without the stilts I would tear this look apart. Another reason this challenge was just weird all around.

Poor Josh and Julie. They seemed like they would be a strange pair, but they ended up complimenting each other nicely.

Yes, when this look walked out I was horrified. No waist, weirdo jacket/cape and yes the amazingness that is those pants. Seeing the still image I understand why J & J went there. There was not much direction for the designers to go in, you add stilts to the equation and it would be a natural progression to go the circus route.

Now 'fess up Heidi, were you the one that said Beetlejuice 3 times?

Shame on you Bert and Viktor. You both acted like silly queens and why you purchased either of these fabrics is beyond me. You know, if they had worked better together and had picked a better fabric, they would have been a contender.

Another fabric choice that hurts my eyes.
Olivier had immunity and the judges are crushing hard for Anya. 'nuff said.

Side note: I'm listening to Margaret Cho's standup and she is talking about Project Runway, it's precious! Either I'm the white Margaret Cho, or she's the Asian Q.

My Pet Project

This week on "The judges are smoking crack because..."

Oh, the unconventional materials challenge. It gets designers every season. I sometimes wonder if the contestants on the show have watched the previous seasons?!? You know at some point you are going to need to sew for: body type other than a model be it a larger person, older person, younger person, animal, a man, etc. Learn versatile styles! You are also at some point going to make an outfit out of something other than regular fabric: garbage, plants, car parts, apartment furnishing, food, etc. You need to know how to design with something NOT ordinary look fabric-like.

Plan accordingly!

Darlings, I'm going to start with the winner as I did for last week's challenge. I don't have to go far for the crack smoking to commence because:

This is what they chose as the winner. Olivier (pronounced Oliver not Oh-liv-ee-yay) made this garment and glued(!) hamster bedding to the model's eyebrows! Neeena Garrrcia argued with Heidi for this to be the winner and she obviously won the battle. I was shocked that they did not make comments that this outfit made the "poor model" look chunky. (They have used this criticism in the past on a very similar outfit. Yes the top looked tailored, but it was made from a fabric material! So they will criticize one designer for using conventional materials but not another for some reason. So, Olivier is a crack smoker and so are the judges that disagreed with Heidi.


Here is the design Heidi wanted to win, and compared to the pee pads that walked down the runway, I felt was the winner:

That is all birdseed! Made by Anthony Ryan this looks very chic. I adore the collar!



Just to keep with last week's post. Here is the losing auf'd look by Joshua
Normally I think this boring look would have been safe. Unfortunately, Joshua has been on the judge's radar from Day 1, so he needed something better than "Safe". He probably could have glued some random item on the top or bottom, such as dog food, aquarium sand or whatever and the judges would have been distracted enough to not notice it was on the boring side.


Presented without comment is Pocahontas: